


A Year At Chicago Public Library: Told Through Emails

by FloralEyeBalls



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humour, Library AU, emails?, idk it's like chat fic?, its cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 20:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5262182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloralEyeBalls/pseuds/FloralEyeBalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick has the impossible job of keeping all the staff at Chicago Public Library updated through emails.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Year At Chicago Public Library: Told Through Emails

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted for ages bc I graduated high school (yay) and have been constantly hungover since (not yay) but I'm back!

To: All staff  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Welcome Pete Wentz

Hi guys! We have a new employee starting next Monday! His name is Pete Wentz and he's new to working in libraries, so I'll be training him for a couple of weeks. I'm told he'll be a very quick learner and a great addition to our team!

(Please be nice)  
(And no pranks until he's at least a month old thank you) 

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library 

\-------------------------------

To: All Staff (-Ryan Ross)  
From: Brendon Urie  
Subject: Brendon's Annual Pool Party!!!!

Yes that's right, it's that time of year already! Time for my legendary annual pool party. This years party will feature an updated guest list, plus Pete (the New Guy) Wentz and minus Ryan (Pees in the Pool) Ross, a large inflatable swan, and a brand new literacy themed drinking game!

When: Friday night 6pm  
Where: My pool obvs  
Why: Because I can

RSVP not necessary because I know you'll all be there. 

-Brendon Urie  
Librarian Assistant  
Chicago Public Library

\--------------------------------

To: Brendon Urie  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Please stop

Please do not use your staff email address to invite people to a personal pool party. It is unprofessional and a breach of library policy. 

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library 

\--------------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Absence

Hello staff, as many of you are aware Brendon held his annual pool party last Friday night. I am sending this email to inform you that he will be absent from work for up to a week due to the inflatable swan incident. Brendon is okay but informed me over the phone this morning that he is "too emotionally traumatised to face the world". Ryan will be covering Brendon's shifts. 

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library 

\--------------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Ryan Ross  
Subject: RE: Absence

Brendon had his pool party already? I didn't get the email. What was "the swan incident" ?

-Ryan Ross  
Reference Librarian   
Chicago Public Library 

\---------------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Peter Wentz  
Subject: Bee Guy

Did anyone else see that guy yesterday who sat at a computer for like 4 hours googling photos of bees? I think he was jacking off lol come get me if he comes back in.

-Peter Wentz  
Librarian Assistant  
Chicago Public Library

\-----------------------------

To: All staff  
From: Peter Wentz  
Subject: Bee guy continued

Bee guy came back today! Mikey & I watched him for about an hour & found out that he wasn't jacking off, he just had an inchy leg :( still fucking weird tho

-Peter Wentz  
Librarian Assistant  
Chicago Public Library

\--------------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Patron Complaint

Hello staff, I have to inform you of a disturbing complaint I received at the front desk today. A man in his late 50's told me that a few staff members where "lurking" behind him while he tried to use a computer. He said he could mostly ignore them until one staff member allegedly "leaned in real close and sniffed" the patron. As of yet we do not know who smelt the man. 

I didn't think this needed to be said but please DO NOT lurk and smell the patrons. It is unnerving and off putting. Anyone caught sniffing guests will be given a stern warning. 

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library 

\-------------------------------

To: All staff (-Patrick Stump)  
From: Peter Wentz  
Subject: Bee guy- update 

Lol he smells lik honey

-Peter Wentz  
Librarian Assistant  
Chicago Public Library

\-------------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Work cancelled

Hi staff, I'm writing to inform you that you will not be needed at work tomorrow as of an unexpected closure due to a fart bomb. 

The fart bomb was detonated just before closing this afternoon and is believed to be a deliberate attack. The smell is so strong that we cannot possibly open tomorrow morning until cleaners have been through. We are not yet sure why this happened but if anyone has any knowledge please let me know.

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library 

\-------------------------------

To: All Staff (-Patrick Stump)  
From: Frank Iero  
Subject: Happy Fart Bomb Day Off!

This email contains no body.

-Frank Iero   
Reference Librarian  
Chicago Public Library

\------------------------------

To: All staff  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Halloween

Hi everyone, just a reminder that Halloween is less than two weeks away and I need you all to bring in some decorations (eg. fake spider webs, carved pumpkins) by Friday. 

After much debate we have decided to continue the traditional staff costume contest on Halloween day, despite the sexy nun incident last year. However this years contest will come with a few rules as shown below.

1\. No 'sexy nun' outfits  
2\. No physical fighting

I don't think those rules should be too hard to follow. Have a happy and safe Halloween. 

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library 

\------------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Andy Hurley- Banned

Hi staff, I have to inform all of you that Andy Hurley, a patron I'm sure most of you know, has been banned from the library until further notice. 

This ban has been put in place as requested by multiple mothers after Hurley reportedly "pretended to be a library staff member and read anti-capitalist and anti-government books to young children." 

If any of you see Andy on library grounds please request that he leaves then tell me. Thank you.

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library 

\------------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Joseph Trohman  
Subject: Thanksgiving Dinner

I'm sending this email on behalf of my mother, who would like to know if anyone wants to join us for a family thanksgiving dinner at my parents house this year. 

We will be having turkey but can accommodate for vegetarians if necessary. 

RSVP via email in the next week please. 

-Joseph Trohman  
Reference Librarian  
Chicago Public Library 

\--------------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Brendon Urie  
Subject: SANTA IS COMING

Did you guys know that Santa is coming to the library next week??? why does Patrick never use his informative email powers to tell us things we actually need to know? 

-Brendon Urie  
Librarian Assistant  
Chicago Public Library

\-----------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Santa is not coming back

I am very disappointed to inform you that due to the actions of certain staff members we have lost our Santa mascot. Meaning that no more children will be able to receive gifts or photos at the library this year. 

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library

\---------------------------------

To: All Staff (-Patrick Stump)  
From:Spencer Smith  
Subject: Santa is dead?

Yo what happened with Santa? I was away 

\- Spencer Smith  
Librarian  
Chicago Public Library

\------------------------------- 

To: Spencer Smith  
From: Peter Wentz  
Subject: Re: Santa is dead?

Brendon got angry @ Santa for not giving him a present. Patrick was so mad I think Brendon cried :(

-Peter Wentz  
Librarian Assistant  
Chicago Public Library

\-------------------------------

To: Brendon Urie  
From: Spencer Smith  
Subject: Fuck Santa

Santa sounds like a dick <3

\- Spencer Smith  
Librarian  
Chicago Public Library

\-----------------------------

To: All Staff  
From: Patrick Stump  
Subject: Christmas Party

Hi staff, the Christmas party is just around the corner! Don't forget to bring a plate of food and your present for the secret Santa. 

Ps: I am making the eggnog and will be watching it very closely throughout the night. Save the alcohol for Pete's New Years party.

-Patrick Stump  
Head Librarian   
Chicago Public Library

\-------------------------------

**Author's Note:**

> lol what was that? did u like it? I liked writing it


End file.
